This is going to sound silly but a silicone waffle mold caused a bit of a breakdown today. I was looking for a clean dish towel to dry my dishes with when I spied the waffle mold and all of a sudden a flood of memories came at me all at once. Djamila and I…
Death Gray clouds in the morn There is no silver lining– Here only darkness
My house is slowly reverting back to the cave it was before Djamila came into my life. When she was here, the curtains were always opened to allow the sun and the natural light to permeate the rooms. Even in the brutal heat of the south Texas summers, the windows were open a crack to…
It just comes in waves, my friend. Wave after wave after wave after wave. Sometimes, the waves only hit me chest high and I remain standing when they hit, bruised and aching, but otherwise okay. Sometimes, the waves lap deliciously at my feet. It feels safe but if I pay close attention, I can see…
It has been exactly one year since DJ died and not a day goes by that I don’t think of her. This has been one of the hardest years of my life but in the midst of all this sorrow, I want to do my best to remember Djamila as light and color and laughter.…
Sometimes, I very selfishly think to myself, “you could have fought harder”. It’s a shit-ass thing to think because I know that Djamila was in a lot of pain before she died. The pain consumed her and in the midst of it all, there was really nothing I could do to help. I did my…
If you read my last post, then I guess you’ll understand when I tell you that my pants are falling off me. Literally. I started wearing TomboyX brand underwear just so I’d have something cool written on the waistband of my undies in case my pants ever actually fell off. I HATE shopping for clothes.…
I have been on Weight Watchers for about a year and a half now. When I started going (again), Djamila was a not entirely happy about it and I understood why. I’m not a yo-yo dieter, but I was always looking for ways to lose weight and get a little healthier. I tried different techniques…
I was talking to a friend this morning…well, more writing to a friend than talking, I suppose. She read my last couple of posts and suggested I find something to do that required concentration and focus. Something, I suppose, that would distract me from my memories of what happened last year around this time. Her…
I want to know when I’ll stop thinking in “this is what I was doing last year” increments of time? It doesn’t help a damned thing when I think that way but I just can’t seem to stop myself. This time last year, it was our last Easter together. This time last year, I rented…
My Needy Life 