My house is slowly reverting back to the cave it was before Djamila came into my life. When she was here, the curtains were always opened to allow the sun and the natural light to permeate the rooms. Even in the brutal heat of the south Texas summers, the windows were open a crack to…
It just comes in waves, my friend. Wave after wave after wave after wave. Sometimes, the waves only hit me chest high and I remain standing when they hit, bruised and aching, but otherwise okay. Sometimes, the waves lap deliciously at my feet. It feels safe but if I pay close attention, I can see…
I want to know when I’ll stop thinking in “this is what I was doing last year” increments of time? It doesn’t help a damned thing when I think that way but I just can’t seem to stop myself. This time last year, it was our last Easter together. This time last year, I rented…
Are there any Stephen King fans out there? If so, have you read Desperation? If you haven’t, let me give you a quick synopsis: There is a small town that goes by the name of Desperation, Nevada. Bad things are happening in Desperation. There are many characters to meet, but one of the main characters is…
Last night I asked God to rewind my life back to six months ago. I figured that would be enough time for me to tell DJ to get to an OB/GYN and to get a pap smear or to have an exam that might catch the cancer before it progressed. I prayed that when I…
I used to love Sunday mornings. There’s a radio station in my city that plays Sunday morning jazz and once DJ woke up and started getting ready for the day, the radio went on in the bedroom and in the living room and we would listen to easy jazz for a good part of the…
…how God expects me to just continue doing what I was doing before DJ died without constantly breaking down. I have left my home three times in the last week. I went to Walgreens and almost lost it there. I took my mom to lunch the other day and that went okay which inspired me…
I watch people. They walk around living their lives, seemingly untouched by disaster or death. I know that’s not necessarily true of everyone but I don’t care because I feel a disconnect to this world. I feel as though there is a wall between me and everything around me. I can see what everyone is doing.…
My partner of 10 years died on Friday. On Thursday, during our hospital visit, she had such a good day that I went home thinking about where I would put the hospital bed, what kinds of modifications I would need to make to the bathroom, and whether or not I could find a temporary ramp…
My Needy Life 