Tag: Family

One Year

It has been exactly one year since DJ died and not a day goes by that I don’t think of her. This has been one of the hardest years of my life but in the midst of all this sorrow, I want to do my best to remember Djamila as light and color and laughter.…

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I Need More Adventure

I was talking to a friend this morning…well, more writing to a friend than talking, I suppose. She read my last couple of posts and suggested I find something to do that required concentration and focus. Something, I suppose, that would distract me from my memories of what happened last year around this time. Her…

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I Need Everything

I thought I knew what loss was…I have lost important people in my life. My grandmothers and grandfathers, my father, my aunt, my cousin…all important to me. Their lives were interwoven with mine in any number of ways. I loved my maternal grandmother, dearly. She raised me and helped me to become the woman I…

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I Need a Rewind Button

Last night I asked God to rewind my life back to six months ago. I figured that would be enough time for me to tell DJ to get to an OB/GYN and to get a pap smear or to have an exam that might catch the cancer before it progressed. I prayed that when I…

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I Need Some Time Away

I used to love Sunday mornings. There’s a radio station in my city that plays Sunday morning jazz and once DJ woke up and started getting ready for the day, the radio went on in the bedroom and in the living room and we would listen to easy jazz for a good part of the…

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I Need to Know…

…how God expects me to just continue doing what I was doing before DJ died without constantly breaking down. I have left my home three times in the last week. I went to Walgreens and almost lost it there. I took my mom to lunch the other day and that went okay which inspired me…

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I Need to Cry Now

This is set to publish at the same time DJ’s memorial service is taking place. Adjectives. DJ loved her adjectives. Self-assured. Jubilant. Luscious. Stunning. Delectable. Succulent. Fragrant. Joyous. Beautiful. Vibrant. Passionate. Euphoric. Optimistic. Colorful. Remarkable. Sizzling. Vivacious. Djamila, or DJ, as she was known to most of us, was a wonderful mix of the most…

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I Need A Memory Machine

As I walk around this empty house, I am amazed at what constitutes a person’s life once they’ve left us. Bits of paper with scribbled notes. Receipts. Old greeting cards. Snacks. Clothing. Jewelry. Flotsam and jetsam are the words that appeared most prominently in my mind as I tossed and turned in bed the other…

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I Need to Stop Crying

My partner of 10 years died on Friday. On Thursday, during our hospital visit, she had such a good day that I went home thinking about where I would put the hospital bed, what kinds of modifications I would need to make to the bathroom, and whether or not I could find a temporary ramp…

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