I Need More Light

How do you gauge the depth of a loss? What do we use to measure it? Time? Memories? Stuff? I don’t know. I only know that all of it contributes to the overwhelming feeling of being lost. Loss and feeling lost. Most definitely not the same and certainly not mutually exclusive, but related none the…


Read more I Need More Light

I Need Everything

I thought I knew what loss was…I have lost important people in my life. My grandmothers and grandfathers, my father, my aunt, my cousin…all important to me. Their lives were interwoven with mine in any number of ways. I loved my maternal grandmother, dearly. She raised me and helped me to become the woman I…


Read more I Need Everything

I Need to Drink More Tea

Today, I went to a nearby mall to pick up a few things I needed. I hate malls. If I have to go to a mall, I much prefer the newer version that is basically a park and walk kind of mall. Many different stores in one convenient location, but with the ability to walk…


Read more I Need to Drink More Tea

I Need Together

It is currently 69 degrees Fahrenheit and it’s the first cool night we’ve had since spring, here in San Antonio. Tonight, I miss DJ more than usual because on the first cool evening after the long, hot South Texas summer, it was our custom to step out onto our back deck, right before bedtime, and…


Read more I Need Together

I Need a “Best Life”

These last few days, I’ve been camping in the RV that DJ and I were supposed to use to travel around the U.S. Even though she never set foot in it after the first visit when we decided to buy it, I feel her presence here with me. Right after we bought it, she came…


Read more I Need a “Best Life”

I Don’t Need a Train Ride

There is a train at the station. This train is comprised of many cars. There are several cars that appear to be having wonderful parties. People are drinking and laughing and enjoying themselves. There are other cars that are more sedate. People are sitting and conversing with animated gestures and intense faces. There are other…


Read more I Don’t Need a Train Ride

I Don’t Need Anymore Snacks

I am an “open-one-bag-at-a-time person”. I detest having multiple boxes of cereal or several bags of chips open at once. I like to open one bag, finish the contents of said bag, then to move on to the next bag. I’m anal like that. DJ was not. DJ was an “I-need-to-open-every-snackbag-in-the-house-and-taste-it-all” kind of person. And,…

You're not even seeing all of them!

Read more I Don’t Need Anymore Snacks

I Need a Rewind Button

Last night I asked God to rewind my life back to six months ago. I figured that would be enough time for me to tell DJ to get to an OB/GYN and to get a pap smear or to have an exam that might catch the cancer before it progressed. I prayed that when I…


Read more I Need a Rewind Button

I Need Some Time Away

I used to love Sunday mornings. There’s a radio station in my city that plays Sunday morning jazz and once DJ woke up and started getting ready for the day, the radio went on in the bedroom and in the living room and we would listen to easy jazz for a good part of the…


Read more I Need Some Time Away