I Don’t Need Anymore Snacks

I am an “open-one-bag-at-a-time person”. I detest having multiple boxes of cereal or several bags of chips open at once. I like to open one bag, finish the contents of said bag, then to move on to the next bag. I’m anal like that. DJ was not. DJ was an “I-need-to-open-every-snackbag-in-the-house-and-taste-it-all” kind of person. And,…

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I Need a Rewind Button

Last night I asked God to rewind my life back to six months ago. I figured that would be enough time for me to tell DJ to get to an OB/GYN and to get a pap smear or to have an exam that might catch the cancer before it progressed. I prayed that when I…

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I Need Some Time Away

I used to love Sunday mornings. There’s a radio station in my city that plays Sunday morning jazz and once DJ woke up and started getting ready for the day, the radio went on in the bedroom and in the living room and we would listen to easy jazz for a good part of the…

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I Need to Know…

…how God expects me to just continue doing what I was doing before DJ died without constantly breaking down. I have left my home three times in the last week. I went to Walgreens and almost lost it there. I took my mom to lunch the other day and that went okay which inspired me…

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I Need My Connection

I watch people. They walk around living their lives, seemingly untouched by disaster or death. I know that’s not necessarily true of everyone but I don’t care becauseĀ I feel a disconnect to this world. I feel as though there is a wall between me and everything around me. I can see what everyone is doing.…

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I Need to Cry Now

This is set to publish at the same time DJ’s memorial service is taking place. Adjectives. DJ loved her adjectives. Self-assured. Jubilant. Luscious. Stunning. Delectable. Succulent. Fragrant. Joyous. Beautiful. Vibrant. Passionate. Euphoric. Optimistic. Colorful. Remarkable. Sizzling. Vivacious. Djamila, or DJ, as she was known to most of us, was a wonderful mix of the most…

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I Need A Memory Machine

As I walk around this empty house, I am amazed at what constitutes a person’s life once they’ve left us. Bits of paper with scribbled notes. Receipts. Old greeting cards. Snacks. Clothing. Jewelry. Flotsam and jetsam are the words that appeared most prominently in my mind as I tossed and turned in bed the other…

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I Need to Stop Crying

My partner of 10 years died on Friday. On Thursday, during our hospital visit, she had such a good day that I went home thinking about where I would put the hospital bed, what kinds of modifications I would need to make to the bathroom, and whether or not I could find a temporary ramp…

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I Need a Tape Recorder

So…it’s been pretty damned busy. I’ve been dealing with damaged roofs, damaged cars, insurance deductibles, work, and life. But in between all the shit, we managed to find time to go out and eat!! Yes, we hit up our favorite Mexican food place…you know, the one that was so good but sucked…that one! We walked…

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