I Need More Color

If you read my last post, then I guess you’ll understand when I tell you that my pants are falling off me. Literally. I started wearing TomboyX brand underwear just so I’d have something cool written on the waistband of my undies in case my pants ever actually fell off.

I HATE shopping for clothes. I’m not a clothes whore. I honestly don’t care what I wear as long as it’s comfy. Djamila, on the other hand, was a fashion maven. She loved her clothes and she LOVED to shop. While I was happy wearing the same jeans and t-shirts year round, DJ actually had seasonal wear. While I wear the same shoes day in and day out until they fall apart on me (Keenes…get some), DJ had many pairs of shoes to match her outfits. The only time I thought about getting new clothes was when I was going to go on a vacation overseas. Other than that, clothes were always on the bottom of my list of “things to do”. This mentality did not sit well with Djamila.

So…I admit it, I was spoiled. A couple of times a year, Djamila would drag me to a mall or her favorite clothing store and make me try on clothes. She bought them for me, which all but assured her that there would be color and variety in my wardrobe because if left to my own devices, and my own budget, I would wear jeans or chinos and black t-shirts every day of my life. I don’t understand why a pair of pants or a blouse should cost more than $20. I just don’t get it. So, I would acquiesce and go with her. I would try on clothes and step out of the dressing room so she could give her approval and when we were finished, I’d walk out with new clothes for the spring/summer or fall/winter.

The last time we went clothes shopping was last spring, a couple of months before she died. It’s been doubly hard to make the decision to shop for clothes because the ones I’m wearing, the ones that are falling off me, were the last ones she bought me. I know I need new clothes but I don’t want to let these go. I know it’s silly but I can’t help it.

Today, though, I decided that maybe it was time. I think Djamila would have been ashamed of the way I’ve been dressing lately. I’ve stopped in a few places over the last few days and looked for things to wear, but didn’t really see anything I liked. So, this evening, I finally drove myself to the outlet mall and found some shorts and tops I could wear for the summer. It was harder than I thought it was going to be. The outlet mall was DJ’s gig, not mine. And all the stores we used to go into together…they’re all still there, brimming over with memories. I hated it. Not just the shopping part, the whole experience. I hated it because even when she dragged me there, it used to be fun. It used to be something I did with her. It used to be something that gave her joy and if something gave her joy, it gave me joy. Today, there was no joy. It was just shopping for necessity.

But, because she is always in my thoughts, I bought a pair of bright orange shorts and a teal shirt. I also bought some shirts with collars and buttons (I know, I know…me, with collars and buttons, who’d a thunk it?) And when I finished clothes shopping, I stopped at the Lindt store and bought us some chocolates. I’m not a chocoholic, but Djamila was and we never passed up a chocolate store.

So, tonight, I’ll eat a Lindt truffle, put away my new clothes, and think of the woman who always brought a little color into my life. I think she’d like my new shorts.

Fuck This I Need Love Sadness

Monica View All →

I enjoy reading and have blogged in the past about travel and books. My latest blog is a vanity blog. I write about whatever comes to mind, specifically, things I think I need in life. Hope you enjoy!

6 Comments Leave a comment

    • I did try to get a pic of some of them but nothing really looked good in photo. I settled for the picture of the shorts on the main page. They are a bright orange, after all. ❤


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