Category: Personal

I Need to Keep Losing

I have been on Weight Watchers for about a year and a half now. When I started going (again), Djamila was a not entirely happy about it and I understood why. I’m not a yo-yo dieter, but I was always looking for ways to lose weight and get a little healthier. I tried different techniques…

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I Need Strength

Are there any Stephen King fans out there? If so, have you read┬áDesperation? If you haven’t, let me give you a quick synopsis: There is a small town that goes by the name of Desperation, Nevada. Bad things are happening in Desperation. There are many characters to meet, but one of the main characters is…

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I Need More Light

How do you gauge the depth of a loss? What do we use to measure it? Time? Memories? Stuff? I don’t know. I only know that all of it contributes to the overwhelming feeling of being lost. Loss and feeling lost. Most definitely not the same and certainly not mutually exclusive, but related none the…

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I Need Everything

I thought I knew what loss was…I have lost important people in my life. My grandmothers and grandfathers, my father, my aunt, my cousin…all important to me. Their lives were interwoven with mine in any number of ways. I loved my maternal grandmother, dearly. She raised me and helped me to become the woman I…

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I Need Together

It is currently 69 degrees Fahrenheit and it’s the first cool night we’ve had since spring, here in San Antonio. Tonight, I miss DJ more than usual because on the first cool evening after the long, hot South Texas summer, it was our custom to step out onto our back deck, right before bedtime, and…

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I Need a “Best Life”

These last few days, I’ve been camping in the RV that DJ and I were supposed to use to travel around the U.S. Even though she never set foot in it after the first visit when we decided to buy it, I feel her presence here with me. Right after we bought it, she came…

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I Don’t Need a Train Ride

There is a train at the station. This train is comprised of many cars. There are several cars that appear to be having wonderful parties. People are drinking and laughing and enjoying themselves. There are other cars that are more sedate. People are sitting and conversing with animated gestures and intense faces. There are other…

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I Need a Rewind Button

Last night I asked God to rewind my life back to six months ago. I figured that would be enough time for me to tell DJ to get to an OB/GYN and to get a pap smear or to have an exam that might catch the cancer before it progressed. I prayed that when I…

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I Need Some Time Away

I used to love Sunday mornings. There’s a radio station in my city that plays Sunday morning jazz and once DJ woke up and started getting ready for the day, the radio went on in the bedroom and in the living room and we would listen to easy jazz for a good part of the…

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I Need to Know…

…how God expects me to just continue doing what I was doing before DJ died without constantly breaking down. I have left my home three times in the last week. I went to Walgreens and almost lost it there. I took my mom to lunch the other day and that went okay which inspired me…

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