My “I Don’t Needs”

We’re all driven by need, whether we want to admit it or not.

In general, most of us know the difference between wanting and needing something and if we’re completely honest with ourselves, many of the things we need are actually things we want.

However, when I say, I need to live in Italy, I mean it. It’s so much more than a want. Sure, I want to live in Italy but there are times, especially when I’m struggling with my day to day life, that the dream of packing up and just walking out on my present life, seems so alluring.

When I was younger, I fulfilled the need to avoid life by drinking or wallowing in my depression but, age and maturity picked me up and carried me here, against my will, and unceremoniously dropped me in the here and now. There’s no way to fight it. Well…that’s wrong…I suppose if I were a shit, I could just walk out. I suppose that will always be a choice but I feel a sense of responsibility towards my family and running away is not an option.

My mom and my aunt (my mom’s older sister) are both suffering from dementia. It’s manageable right now but it’s quickly becoming less manageable. Soon, I will be making decisions and taking on responsibilities that I’m not necessarily ready to take on.

I know this blog is supposed to be about things I need, but right now, I’d rather tell you about a few things I don’t need:

  • I don’t need to be anyone’s power of attorney
  • I don’t need to be the executor of anyone’s will
  • I don’t need to be the “nag” of the family
  • I don’t need, or want, to be in charge of anyone’s bank account(s)
  • I don’t need to hear, “I can’t come into town this month to help. I’ll be coming down in a couple of months but things are really busy here, sorry.” from any family member
  • I don’t need to hear, “Sure, I can do that for you,” only to find out it didn’t get done

I know I’m not the only person out there dealing with this shit but sometimes, it feels that way. Sometimes, it feels like there’s no one else out there who can understand what’s going on, even if they’ve been through something similar in their life.

So, I’m going to sit down, have a cup of coffee and watch last week’s episode of Agent Carter. After that, I’m going to fix my lunch to take to work tomorrow and after that, I will play some mind-numbing game for a bit. Anything to take my mind off all the things I need to get done over the next couple of weeks.




Monica View All →

I enjoy reading and have blogged in the past about travel and books. My latest blog is a vanity blog. I write about whatever comes to mind, specifically, things I think I need in life. Hope you enjoy!

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